I have been thinking a lot over the past thirty-six hours. Now, I think a lot in general, as one can often find me staring at nothing for a large portion of the day while I am pondering random concerns and interests of mine, but it is different right now. I mean, it took me an hour to read three tiny paragraphs of my textbook last night because I could not stop thinking about what has happened recently. And as someone who feels guilty very easily, this time has been frustrating and confusing; I still feel nauseous at times when thinking about what has occurred.
I would just like to say that I am both sorry and unapologetic for my words in my last post.
On one hand, I apologize if I have offended anyone. It is true that I am pretty privileged and am used to getting the results I want out of situations. Therefore, the results of the election have been hard on me, but there are other reasons for this distress, as one can find later in this post. It is also factual that I simply had to vent, and I happened to do so at 9 a.m. after about three hours of sleep. Consequently, I sincerely apologize if my words and the way they were stated have hurt anyone.
On the other hand, though, I also am not apologizing for my sentiment. Especially after seeing so many people I know personally, people I know from social media platforms, and those I have never come into contact with feeling as though people do not care about them and fearing for their rights, I will not apologize for my disappointment and fear that I expressed earlier. Being told to not worry about the election results because they will not affect me as much as they will others only made me feel worse. I truly feel as though the results of the election will validate and perpetuate prejudice and discrimination that are still prevalent in our society, and I do not want to just let that slide. I actually found a blog post by John Pavlovlitz that was trending on Twitter that has the exact sentiment I was hoping to achieve in my earlier post. You may want to read that to see what I really meant to say here.
Overall, the past two days have been a rollercoaster for me. Yesterday, I wrote my blog post update, and read it to my classmates approximately thirty minutes later, with little to no editing. I felt empowered in this situation, and expressing my thoughts was cathartic. Later on, though, I started to feel guilty; I wondered if I worded my thoughts in a hateful way that offended others. Seeing the aforementioned blog post encouraged me, though, as it was nice to see that others have thoughts like me. I later realized why speaking out about my thoughts was so overwhelming for me: because speaking to my class was the first time in which I have publicly and personally stated any kind of political statements in front of a group that is not my family (not counting when I was in fifth grade and talking to my classmates about the 2008 election…I do not think I really knew what I was talking about). During this election, I was silent. No tweets about the primaries, debates, or news regarding the candidates, and no participation in class conversations. Nothing. I was fearful to state my opinions, because I do not enjoy starting conflict. But the results of this election have truly been a wake-up call for me, and I regret not speaking up earlier; clearly, silence is not going to change much. During class yesterday, I could not hold in my thoughts any longer, as what means so much to me was being threatened. Moving forward, I will no longer submit to the notion that political opinions should not be shared, because apparently no one wants to hear them. If I really want to make a difference and help others, I need to be open to expressing what I think is best for us as a nation and taking notice to what others think as well.
Overall, although I still feel confused and will admit my fear of the future, I will be sure to keep my hope alive and spread love and helpfulness to others. Let us make the best of the situation, while still fighting for what is right and best for us as a group of human beings. We must come together if we want to prosper for the years ahead.
Therefore, I am sorry if I have offended anyone, but I know that I need to let my voice be heard. And as mentioned in my previous blog post, if you are feeling afraid or unsafe, know that I am here for you.
Love forever and always,